For Everything Else
by drowsyfantasy
Summary: Your standard MasterCard parody.
1. Sir Integral

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I own NOTHING._

Sir Integral (aka Integra)

Aspirin for putting up with Alucard:

$500/ year

Cigars for putting up with Alucard:

$750/ year

Paying for those long-distance phone call while Alucard makes snarky remarks about him turning you on (or vice versa):

$800

The look on his face when you finally decide to ignore him:

Priceless.

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Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard_._


	2. Alucard

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I own NOTHING._

Alucard

Casull:

A hell of a lot of fighting and time to get it.

Jackal:

A hell of a lot of fighting and time to get it.

Replacement parts for said guns:

A hell of a lot of fighting and time to get it.

The look on his face after a hell of a lot of fighting and time when Alhambra asks if he's run out of bullets:

Priceless.

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Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	3. Seras

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I throw in some really crazy ideas sometimes. I own NOTHING._

Seras

Luxury sheets for bed:

$800

Skimpy negligee:

$150

Various stuffed animals:

$250 total

The fact that you now have to sleep in a coffin:

Priceless.

__

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	4. Walter

_AN: Absolutely pointless _MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I own NOTHING. By demand, Walter!_

Walter

500 feet of steel filament wire (a.k.a. "killer dental floss"):

$1500

Special gloves for using said wire:

$500/pair

Training with said wire:

Over fifty years (presumably)

Saving Sir Integra's life in episode 13 at the cost of ruining his hands and possibly his own life with said wire:

Priceless.

_Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's _MasterCard.


	5. Pip

_AN: Absolutely pointless _MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I own NOTHING._

Pip

Book: "Teach yourself to how to look and act Australian":

$25

Book: "Teach yourself how to speak with a French accent":

$30

Book: "Teach yourself the latest British slang words":

$20

The humor of no one knowing where the heck you're really from:

Priceless.

_Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's _MasterCard


	6. Maxwell

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I throw in some really crazy ideas sometimes. I own NOTHING. The next few are Iscariot._

Enrico Maxwell

Large bouquet of yellow roses:

$25

Plane tickets to London:

$150

Admission to art gallery:

$25

Getting hit in the face with your consolation gift:

Priceless.

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Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	7. Yumiko & Heinkel

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. Everyone's doing it! I just had to try it. Be gentle. I throw in some really crazy ideas sometimes. I own NOTHING. The next few are Iscariot._

Yumiko and Heinkel

Airplane tickets:

$500 each per trip or more

Various disguises:

$500 each per trip or more

Insurance dues:

$500 each per trip or more

Driving Maxwell up the wall when asking for reimbursement:

Priceless.

__

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	8. Anderson

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. I own nothing. This one is more of a parody of the Anderson figurine I bought and my friend Tessa's reaction to it._

……………

Anderson

White suit:

$150

Long grey and purple trench coat:

$250

Large gilded golden cross:

$500

Being mistaken for a bad Elvis impersonator:

Priceless.

__

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	9. Jan Valentine

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. I own nothing. _……………

Jan Valentine

Various piercings:

$800

Jumpsuit:

$150

Hat:

$50

Being able to lead a giant group of ghouls and looking really cool while doing so:

Priceless.

__

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


	10. Luke Valentine

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AN: Absolutely pointless MasterCard_ commercial parody. I own nothing. This is the last one._

……………

Luke Valentine

Expensive, immaculate white suit:

$800

Effeminate-yet-stylish haircut:

$50

Various guns and ammunition:

$500

Managing to impress Alucard for about ten seconds before getting eaten:

Priceless.

__

Some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.


End file.
